One Step Forward
by Shaz1
Summary: Set immediately after Callen, G- Callen has gained and lost a sister all in one day, how can he move on from that?


One Step Forward

By Shaz1

None of the recognised characters belong to me, they are all the property of Shane Brennan and CBS.

This story continues immediately after 'Callen, G' – it's just a little one shot that wouldn't leave my head!

One Step Forward

Callen returned to his sister's grave, a sense of foreboding overwhelming him- why would someone be taking photographs of him at the cemetery. He shuddered, the last time someone had been surveying him had culminated in five bullets tearing through him, he didn't particularly want that to happen again. He looked up as a large shadow loomed over him, blocking the last of the afternoon sun.

"Hi Sam" he greeted, registering his partner's presence behind him. The larger man sat down quietly, taking up his natural position beside his partner.

"So you had a sister" he commented softly, not missing the flinch that his friend failed to hide at his words.

"Yep" Callen replied, his gaze fixed on the gravestone in front of him.

"Do you remember her?" Sam asked gently, noticing his friend's pallor and the slight tremble to his hands.

"Just snippets" the younger man responded. "Little snatches of memory from when we were kids. I was only five when we were split up" he continued, surprising his partner with the words. As he spoke he leaned back, not hiding the wince that the action caused. It had been a long few days for the agent and he was exhausted. His head and ribs pounded and he felt shaky and tired, yet there was no way he would admit to any of it.

"Can't believe you totalled the merc G" Sam commented with a grin that didn't reach his eyes. Callen groaned at his words.

"Hetty is going to kill me" he stated softly. Sam chuckled slightly, relieved at the release in tension and the normality of the conversation. He had seen the CCTV footage of his partner's car crash and still felt the bile rising in his throat at the memory. Despite the fact that he knew his partner was safe and sat in front of him, his stomach still churned at the thought of how close he had yet again come to losing his best friend.

"Have you been checked out?" he asked, suspecting that he already knew the answer.

"I'm fine Sam" Callen replied with a sigh. Sam shook his head in frustration.

"Sure you are" he commented as he looked at his friend. "Come on I'll take you for something to eat" he offered, getting to his feet and holding out his hand to the smaller man. Callen hesitated, before finally taking the offered hand and getting hauled to his feet. Neither man missed the sway of the lead agent as he stood, or the wince as the movement pulled on his battered body- but neither man commented on it. "I'll drive" Sam stated, his tone making it clear that it was a fact and not a suggestion. Callen nodded as he followed his friend. He sat rigidly in the passenger seat, his body's aches and pains forcing him to remain tense and straight. "You sure I don't need to take you to the ER?" Sam asked his partner, not missing the pained look to his face.

"I'm good" the stubborn agent reasserted, his eyes closed against the nausea that rolled through him. Sam grunted at the blatant lie his partner had told him, but refrained from commenting- deciding on simply driving. "Where are we going?" Callen asked as the car remained silent.

"A nice little steak house I know" Sam replied with a grin.

"I'm not very hungry Sam" G stated softly, his thoughts a million miles away from food.

"G you haven't eaten, you need something before you drop- your arse is skinny enough man" Sam responded, not taking no for an answer.

"Can we swing by Ops first?" Callen asked softly.

"No way man, Hetty would have my hide"

"Please Sam- I need to get changed, I have been in these clothes for three days" Callen stated softly, his tone as close to pleading as it ever got. Sam sighed dramatically.

"Fine, but you go in get showered and changed and we leave- deal?" he offered, and got a small smile and nod in response.

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Callen winced as he gently patted himself dry, his skin bruised and cut from the various incidents of the last couple of days- but he did feel better for the refreshing shower that had soothed his skin. He leant against the sink as he took a moment to gain enough energy to get dressed. After a second he pulled his clean boxers on and a pair of jeans that he had borrowed from the wardrobe department.

"G? You coming?" Sam hollered when his partner had gone beyond his ten minute allocated time. Without further pause Sam walked into the changing rooms and gasped when he saw the multi different colours that graced his partners ribs and abdomen. "Jesus G" he exclaimed.

"It's not as bad as it looks Sam" Callen whispered, struggling to lift his arms to pull his t-shirt on.

"Sure it's not" Sam replied in frustration, stepping forward to help his partner before he had a chance to argue with him. Easing the t-shirt down over his friend's battered frame.

"Thanks" Callen muttered, reaching for his jacket and shrugging it on. "Is the coast clear?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. Sam chuckled lightly knowing exactly what his friend was referring to.

"Hetty is in Ops so we need to be quick- Kensi is providing a distraction" he said with a smile. Callen nodded in understanding- and wordlessly he followed the larger man out of the door. Within seconds the two senior agents were in the challenger and heading towards some much needed food.

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Callen sat and twirled the bottle in his hands- he had ordered a steak and fries just to stop the disapproving glare from his partner as much as anything, as he had no appetite.

"So you wanna talk about it?" Sam asked softly, sipping from his beer bottle.

"Not especially" Callen replied, in truth there wasn't really much to talk about. So much had happened over the course of the last week- so many ups and downs and he had come so close to finding out things about his past- yet in the end he was probably further away with the destruction of the box with his name on. He had lost and gained a sister all in one day and he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

"Well if you do- you know where I am man" Sam reassured- not willing to push his partner, he knew that getting him to open up was like drawing blood from a stone. Callen nodded gratefully, relieved that his friend wasn't going to force him. The two men were rescued from any further conversation by their meals arriving- the smell of the fresh food finally making Callen feel hungry. He managed half of the portion before his stomach could take no more, Sam watched- satisfied that his friend had tried to eat as much, but he knew exhaustion had to be battling him by now. With a gesture to the waitress he requested the check.

"Thanks Sam" Callen stated appreciating, not just the food and the company- but the sheer presence of his friend.

"Welcome man" Sam responded with a smile, throwing notes down on the table before heading out, the smaller man on his heels.

"Ah man" Callen groaned as he got level with the car- instantly on alert Sam moved round to his partner.

"G? What is it?" he asked in concern.

"I just remembered- I need to get my stuff" he groaned as he leant against the cool metal.

"Your stuff?" the bigger man questioned.

"My kit, my clothes- I need to move from the rooming house" Callen stated, and finally Sam caught up, he had completely forgotten that his friend's latest cover story had been well and truly compromised and in effect he was homeless yet again.

"Come on we'll go now" Sam offered, keen to escort his partner to collect the very few items that he owned, and then get him far away from where it had all began. Sam through the evening traffic quickly, keen to get his partner stowed away.

"I'll only be a minute" Callen stated as he eased his battered frame out of the car as they pulled up outside the rooming house.

"Want me to come in?" Sam offered softly.

"Na- it won't take long" the younger man responded, moving as quickly as his injuries would allow. He was true to his word, packed up and back out on the street within five minutes flat- relieved to be out. He threw his kit bag and bed roll onto the back seat before fastening himself back into the passenger seat.

"Don't you need to see your landlord?" Sam asked softly.

"I left an extra hundred bucks on the side so sure he'll be sweet" G responded with a smile. "Can you drop me at Highland Park?" he asked, stifling a rare yawn.

"What do you need to go there for?" Sam asked in confusion.

"There's a rooming house that looks decent" Callen replied.

"Near Highland Park? Jeeze Callen do you have a death wish?" Sam asked, frustrated at his friend's constant failure to settle down and actually lay roots. "Why don't you stay at mine tonight?" he offered softly.

"I can't keep staying at your place Sam- it's not fair on the family" Callen argued, resting his suddenly exhausted head back against the seat.

"Come on G- you know they love having you around. Then you can check the papers in the morning for somewhere decent" Sam suggested softly, part of him just not wanting to let his friend out of his sight after the week they had had. Callen sighed, suddenly too tired to argue.

"Fine, I'll have your sofa, thank you" he finally agreed reluctantly. Sam grinned to himself, refraining from comment and just willing to take the small victory for what it was. The short journey to the Hanna family home passed in silence as both partners were lost in their own thoughts. They walked as quietly as possible into the place that Sam called home- not wanting to disturb his family. "Thanks Sam" Callen whispered as he stretched out on the familiar sofa, Sam nodded as he handed his friend a pillow and a blanket.

"You're welcome" the big man whispered as he switched off the light and headed up stairs to join his wife.

"Hey" she greeted as she pulled back the covers to allow him in.

"Hey yourself" he whispered with a smile. "Just so you know Callen is on the sofa" he warned her, not wanting her to walk in on the agent in the morning.

"Is he ok?" she asked as she pulled her husband closer towards her. His friend stayed with them on occasion, usually in strange circumstances that neither man discussed- but she found herself having a soft spot for her husband's colleague.

"Yeah- he crashed his car" Sam replied enjoying the closeness to his wife, and the fact that for once he could actually be honest about the reason for his partner's visit.

"The Mercedes?" she questioned.

"Yep- totalled it" Sam replied, squeezing her closer towards him as he spoke.

"Is he ok?" she asked again.

"He's a bit battered, but he'll be ok" Sam responded, and in his own mind he wasn't just referring to his partner's physical injuries. With one final squeeze he kissed his beloved wife on the forehead and settled down for sleep.

"Sam?" she called him softly, he grunted in response. "Did you hide all of the screwdrivers? I need to be able to make toast in the morning?" she questioned, her tone serious but containing a hint of amusement. Sam chuckled at her question.

"I think even Callen is too tired for that tonight" he responded, not needing to add that he was too as he allowed sleep to claim him.

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Callen laid with his arm rested across his face, shielding his eyes. He was exhausted, but sleep was elusive. He couldn't control his thoughts and it was disturbing him- he was always in control, had always been forced to be in control of himself in order to survive. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten his sister- suppressed the memory so deep that her existence had been deleted from his mind. The avalanche of memories surged through him, playing in the garden, being pulled along in his cart, tears and tantrums- but most of all cuddles and love. He laid there looking at the ceiling in the lounge of his partner's family house, and he as overwhelmed by a sense of loss and bereavement for a sister he had forgotten that he had. He didn't even realise his eyes were filling with moisture until the taste of salt ran to his parched lips. He very rarely cried, rarely allowed his emotions to show, but somehow he couldn't contain him- the sadness too much for him. Finally exhaustion won out and his tortured soul finally lost control and he drifted off to a restless sleep plagued by nightmares.

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Sam was up early the next morning, surprised to find his partner asleep rather than dismantling various appliances in his kitchen. He moved closer to check on him, not forgetting that the younger man had been injured the previous day. He felt his heart pull at the clear tear tracks that marred his friend's pale face. He had never seen his friend cry- sure he had seen him close and Callen probably allowed more emotion to show in front of his partner than any other human being- but that didn't mean that he showed much at all. He shook his head sadly at the sight- he wished that there was something that he could do to help his friend, he knew how much finding out about his family meant to him, and he couldn't imagine the turmoil of finding and losing your sister all in one day- plus the fact that he had been forced to shot Keelson- the man that apparently possessed all of the answers he had been seeking. Carefully Sam made his way to the kitchen, putting some toast on and filling the kettle- intent on making sure that his friend at least had some breakfast before starting the day at work- as he was certain the younger man would refuse to stay home. He moved back to the sofa and carefully tapped his partner awake, making sure he was out of grabbing distance as he did so. Confused blue orbs blinked up at him, before the lead agent recognised his partner standing over him.

"Sam? What time is it?" he asked as he struggled to sit up.

"It's 8am, and we better get moving if we'll going to make it on time" Same responded handing the small breakfast to his friend. Callen accepted the coffee and ignored the plate of toast. "Come on G, you have to eat" Sam prompted and was rewarded with a dramatic sigh from his partner, who took the plate- but did not begin to eat.

"Do you think Hetty will have forgiven me yet?" he asked as he sipped at the steaming liquid, allowing the caffeine to take effect.

"For going lone wolf on us? For wrecking the Merc? Or for disobeying her?" Sam asked with a smile, sitting beside his partner and drinking his own coffee. "I think you might owe her a few teas" he finished. Callen chuckled lightly, glad of the lift in tension.

"I'll have got off lightly if that's all she gets from me" he responded. "Am I ok to grab a shower?" he asked softly.

"Yeah sure, fresh towels are in the bathroom" Callen nodded and got stiffly to his feet, before heading off to get freshened up ready for work. Sam took the time to fold up the blankets and put the pillow away, his partner rejoined him mere minutes later.

"You ready to go?" Callen asked, looking a lot better than he had the previous night- despite the bruising from his car accident now looking more stark against his pale face.

"Yep- do you need to collect your car from the cemetery?" Sam asked softly, not wanting to remind his partner of his loss again, but also not wanting for him to have to face Hetty's wrath yet again for leaving an agency car abandoned.

"I suppose I better" Callen finally replied with a sigh. If he was honest with himself his head was still aching and his chest hurt when he breathed too deeply, but the ache that hurt the most was the one in his heart for his beloved sister that he had suppressed all memories of, but now felt her loss so keenly. Without further comment the two partners headed out and towards the challenger, the journey to the cemetery passed in silence as both agents were lost in their own thoughts.

"You sure you're ok to drive?" Sam questioned softly as he pulled in behind the agency's car.

"Yeah fine" Callen responded as he unbuckled the safety belt. "See you at ops" he finished, stepping out and slowly moving around to his own ride. Sam nodded, watching until his friend was safely in the driver's seat before he drove away himself.

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Sam deliberately drove on ahead, not wanting to smother his partner; he was unsurprised when Hetty approached him before he had even sat down at his desk.

"How is your partner Mr Hanna?" she asked softly.

"He says he is fine" Sam replied, carefully.

"Where is he?" she questioned the younger agent noticeable by his absence.

"I am sure he's on his way in Hetty" he replied, pulling out his chair and sitting down.

"I am sure you know Mr Hanna- he did stay at your house last night afterall" she responded aiming a pointed glance at her agent. Sam sighed, he knew that the Ops Manager always knew everything so he was unsurprised that she had known where his partner spent the night.

"I dropped him off at the car" Sam stated, exasperated with the line of questioning.

"Then where is he?" Hetty asked, gesturing at the empty desk.

"I am right here" Callen interjected as he walked in and heads straight towards his desk. Hetty looked up on his approach- appraising his condition as she looked him up and down.

"A word in my office Mr Callen" she stated finally, walking away and not even having to check to see if he was following. Callen heaved a sigh, placed his bag next to his desk and with one final eye roll followed the ops manager to her office. He sat down without being invited, suspecting that the conversation they were about to have would be unpleasant.

"Look Hetty- I am sorry about the Mercedes" he stated, knowing how she was about expenses and budgets.

"I don't give a damn about the Mercedes Mr Callen" Hetty responded, her tone laced in frustration. "You however I do give a damn about- you could have been killed" she stated, her voice still slightly raised.

"I'm fine Hetty" Callen replied, looking away from the woman.

"You most certainly are not fine Mr Callen. You have bruised ribs at the least, not to mention a likely concussion" she commented gesturing at the cut to his hairline. "And more importantly you have gained and lost a sister all in one day" she said- her voice softening as she commented on Callen's obvious hurt. "I know how much family means to you, and how desperately you seek the answers to your past- losing Amy so soon after unearthing her very existence, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. If you need to take some time…."

"I'm fine Hetty- no worse off than I was a week ago" Callen interjected, cutting her off mid-sentence, "Now if there's nothing else I really need to get back to work- I have the damage report to submit" he finished, already heading out of the office and back towards his desk. Hetty was too shocked to even shout him back. Callen leant against his desk chair, his eyes closed as he gathered his anger back- he very rarely lost his temper or argued with Hetty, and he instantly felt bad for doing so- but he couldn't allow his thoughts to drift to Amy, not if he wanted to maintain control.

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Sam watched from afar as his partner appeared to be trying to rein in his emotions, he had not missed the out of character outburst from the younger man, and he could feel an uneasy niggling in the pit of his stomach as he watched his friend.

"You need to keep an eye on your partner Mr Hanna" a voice spoke behind him. He didn't even turn around to acknowledge the person before he replied.

"Don't worry Hetty- I intend to" he commented, before stepping away and moving over to do whatever he could to make sure his partner came through his battle with his latest demons.

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Callen moved quickly- he couldn't risk the team seeing his weakness, he was the team leader and he couldn't lose their respect. His place within NCIS was all that he had, the only family that he had ever known and he couldn't allow his own fragility to ruin it for him. He headed out of the office and to the beach, the crashing of the waves soothing to his troubled mind. Every time he began to find anything that would join up some of the dots of his past, something else would happen and blow it all to hell and raise even more questions in the process. He didn't know how much more he could bear. He rarely argued with Hetty, and rarer still did he walk out on her- he had to get his emotions back in check and quickly.

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Sam knew where to look for his partner, he just didn't really know where to start when he caught up with him. He had his family- he knew his past and where he came from, and as much as he tried he could never fully understand how his partner felt. He knew that every day growing up had been a struggle for the younger man- knew full well that it was the reason behind his lone wolf tendencies, but he was struggling to find the words to offer his friend comfort. There was nothing that he could say that would bring back his friend's sister- and nothing that could take away the hurt that he was feeling. He sighed to himself, unused to feeling so unsure- but Callen was a difficult person to read at the best of times. A born agent, who had spent his life portraying other people for the safety of his country he was a master as masking his feelings and rarely discussed emotions. The former seal paused for a moment as he caught sight of his friend a short distance in front of him, sat on the sand staring out across the expanse of ocean in front of him. Sam shook his head sadly at the image of solitude his partner gave off, before moving forward to sit down beside him.

"You don't have to babysit me Sam" Callen said softly, not turning to look at his partner.

"I know that G" Sam responded equally quietly. He took in his friend's pale appearance, without passing comment- not wanting to push his friend, knowing that the seasoned agent would simply bolt if he did.

"Hetty send you?" the smaller man asked.

"No. I can't believe you walked out on her" the seal commented.

"She's going to kill me for that one" the lead agent whispered, wishing that just once things would go his way. Sam could feel his concern escalating- very rarely did his friend sound as low and as lost as he did at that moment.

"She won't G. She's worried about you" he finally stated, gauging his friend's reaction.

"She doesn't need to be"

"Doesn't she? I am kind of worried too partner" Sam admitted quietly.

"I'm ok Sam" Callen stated, finally turning to look at his partner. "I'm tired of this constant battle to find out who I am- but I'm ok" he told the larger man, a rare admission from the agent.

"You know who you are G" Sam whispered, unsurprised by his friend's words. "You are the lead agent in a crack NCIS unit, you are brave, loyal and the best partner that a guy could ever have"

"I don't even have a first name" the other man stated, his voice cracking at the absurd statement.

"What does that matter? A name doesn't make a man. Knowing your name won't change who you are or how we think of you. We love and respect you for who you are inside G, not words on a bit of paper" the seal told him softly, rarely did he himself make such an impassioned speech, but he knew that he had to get through to his partner or risk losing him- and that was a risk he wasn't willing to take. Callen didn't reply, finding himself lost for words at his partner's statement. After a few minutes he seemed to gather himself.

"I always knew I completed you" he finally spoke. Sam couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him, pleased to see his partner returning to him.

"Don't flatter yourself" he replied getting to his feet and holding his hand out to his currently battered friend. "Come on you can help me do the lunch run" he offered. Callen nodded accepting the hand up and easing himself to his feet, immediately falling into his partner's footsteps.

"I wish I had remembered her" the younger man whispered as they walked.

"I know- she obviously loved you" Sam responded, glad that his friend was opening up to him if even a little.

"I remember that we used to play- and she would hug me before bed" Callen continued softly. "What does it say about me that I forgot she even existed?" he asked almost under his breath.

"It says that you were a tiny little boy that had gone through more than anyone should in a lifetime, never mind by the age of five. It says that somewhere from being pushed from one foster home to another your brain maybe stopped trying to remember things and simply concentrated on surviving one day to the next. You loved her G- the fact that you remember her so clearly now shows that you never really truly forgot, you just temporarily suppressed to protect yourself" Sam explained, the pair still walking yet the seal's tone serious in nature. Callen took a moment to consider his friend's words before he replied.

"Do you think I will ever get to find out some information without having it torn from my grasp?" Callen asked his best friend quietly, his inner most fears coming to the forefront. Sam stopped walking, gently grasping his friend's bicep to cause him to pause.

"You will get there G- I know it feels like one step forward and two steps back, but you will get there. You know that me and the others will be with you every step of the way- if you let us that is" Sam vowed, his other hand unconsciously moving to his heart as he made his promise. Callen nodded, slightly taken aback by the certainty and passion in his partner's voice.

"Thanks Sam- I'll try" he stated, his tear filled pure blue eyes matching his friend's brown ones.

"That's all I ask for G" Sam replied softly, without needing to exchange any further words both partners knew that the conversation was over and everything that needed to be said had been.

"Tacos or Burritos?" Callen asked as they walked on.

"I was thinking of a salad run" Sam replied, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle.

"Hmm, how about double double burgers? They have salad" Callen suggested with a smile. Sam sighed in a long suffering manner.

"Fine, then tomorrow it is salad" he stated, knowing from experience that tomorrow would be anything but salad, but too relieved to have his partner back that he simply fell in line beside his friend to eat an artery clogging lunch.

The End


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